Bill O’Reilly is fighting a war for Christmas, against the dark, Satanic forces arrayed against St. Nick and Yuletide logs and Jingle Bells.
He doesn’t want anyone saying, “Happy Holidays” or “Happy Hanukkah” or “Happy Kwanzaa.” He wants everyone to say, “Merry Christmas” — OR ELSE. O’Reilly is Santa’s little hit-man.
Now there’s a lot of civil liberties freaks out there who think it’s wrong to use tax money paid by a lot of non-Christians to support O’Reilly’s choice of religious celebrations. But I’m sure our republic will survive seizure of City Hall for a tree-lighting ceremony. I’m not worried about the offence the Merry Christmas Crusaders will cause Jews, Muslims and Sikhs. They have greater dangers to deal with right now.
What I’m really concerned about, Bill, is the offence you’ve caused to Jesus — on his birthday, no less. Remember, Bill, Christ didn’t celebrate Christmas. If He took any time off in December, it would have been to celebrate Hanukkah.
Who first celebrated “Christmas”? Who lit the Yule log and decorated trees and lit candles? The Yule log is a Norse tradition, Thor’s thing. And the Romans, like all pagans and idolaters, celebrated the Winter Solstice feasts and songs, and like you, wanted to beat the crap out of anyone who didn’t join in the festivities.
Christ, even now, doesn’t celebrate Christmas. He’s immortal, and the last thing some immortal guy needs is another birthday party. Furthermore, Bill, if you’d read your Scriptures, you’d know that displaying the graven image of Santa Clause is outlawed by the First Commandment not the First Amendment.
So what does He want you to do, Bill, in December? I know that “peace on Earth” is not one of your favorite lines, and “good will to all men” only applies, in your book, to men who follow your strange little way of celebrating His arrival.
I remember last December when US tanks rolled into the Muslim burg of Falluja with Santa Clauses tied to the front. Now THAT’S real Christmas spirit. But not the Christian spirit.
Freud called the arrogant desire to impose one’s religious rituals on others, “the vanity of small differences.” Its by-product is war, hijackings and drunken office parties requiring embarrassed apologies the next week. This vanity takes many forms. When the September 11 hijackers reportedly screamed “Allah Akbar” they were not convincing anyone that “God is Great;” they were saying, “WE are great, and YOU aren’t.” Now O’Reilly, as vain as they, is shrieking, “Santa Akbar! Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer uber alles!”
So what’s this all about, Bill? Why suddenly does Santa need an overweight, best-selling oafish big-mouth to act as his hit-elf?
What’s it all about, Bill, all this chest-thumping about Jingle Bells? Let’s face it, it’s all about what’s left after the regime brings your kid home from Falluja. He’ll come home and he won’t have health insurance or a pot to piss in and his kids won’t stand a chance because the Shintos at Toyota make your cars, the Confucians of Shanghai make your toys, the Hindus in Bangalore write the programs for your Gameboy and the Gulf Muslims have all the oil.
But you know what you have that they don’t have? You have your Merry Bloody Christmas, Bill. You have chestnuts roasting on an open fire and Jack Frost nipping at your door and anyone who doesn’t like it should get the hell out of America and go someplace with a future.
When there’s nothing left there’s always the losers’ irrational belief that they are better than the guys who are winning the game. But don’t kid yourself. When you’ve won the War for Christmas, there’s December 26, when Nissan workers get their bonuses and GM workers get their pink slips.
Greg Palast, author of the Best Democracy Money Can Buy, put the X back in X-mas and the Nukkah back in Hanukkah. Subscribe to his investigative reports at www.GregPalast.com